We Are Family

We attended Saturday services every week, with Emily in the baby carrier. She never fussed or cried (well, maybe a few times). Perhaps it was Cantor Goldstein’s beautiful singing, or perhaps it was the colorful wonder of the windows, our baby Emily always seemed most content in Temple. We were married by Rabbi Rosenfeld on November 6, 2005. Of course, little Emily was the flower girl. At the time, she was just starting PALS. It did not take long after that for PALS to become like family. One day, when Emily was about three, she announced to her class that she was getting a baby brother. Apparently, it seemed to her that none of her classmates was sufficiently impressed, so she continued, “… and his name is ‘Max’.” That last part was news to us, her mommy and daddy, but we went along with it.

When the little guy was born in late 2006, we did indeed name him “Max.” Max was born much too soon, three months early. He was very tiny, about the size of a kitten. The doctors told us he would face many challenges before he could come home. Nonetheless, the strong sounding name pronounced by his sister to her friends in PALS, where she felt most comfortable, foretold of how her brother would endure and thrive. Little Max passed one milestone after another. Every week brought another miracle, the nurses all agreed. There were some scary setbacks, too, still looming among our memories of that time. But we are the Steinberg’s, and we always find a way. It became a time of great hope. To this day, we are grateful for the love and support of our TBZ family during those days. Unlike his sister, Max was quite a handful in Temple. As soon as he could, he escaped from his carrier, made his way up the marble steps to the bimah. There sat Rabbi Rosenfeld, imposing in his big chair, who quite happily welcomed this bold toddler onto his lap. And so it was, that we felt at home.

Our third child, Lila, was born in 2011. Emily was well along in religious school by then, always with enthusiasm. Max was just starting, not as enthusiastic but he endured it in his usual way. The years passed quietly, but steadily. After we left North Buffalo for Amherst, the pace of life seemed to quicken—or maybe it was what was going on in the TBZ family. There was tenseness at TBZ that seeped into everything. A little boy used to wander onto the bimah, and it was no big deal. Those days had ended abruptly. Nonetheless, it was still a “family,” and as in all families, things can change unexpectedly.

Soon after that, Emily started preparing for her Bat Mitzvah, with Rabbi Sheldt and Cantor Myers. She grasped eagerly the traditions that meant so much to her parents and grandparents. The big day in late October was bright and unusually warm, and her voice rang out strong and clear. How fitting, that the little girl who was in many ways our beginning at TBZ, would ascend to her own sort of beginning on Shabbat Bereshit! In his way, Max followed in his sister’s footsteps. A sweet boy, not as scholarly was he. Rabbi Freirich and Cantor Myers guided him with great sensitivity. But at home, Max could only practice the difficult study on his own terms, meeting every challenge hour after hour. Among his TBZ family, he had discovered his gift for endurance. Now there he stood up on the bimah, leading Shabbat services himself, so handsome in the very same three-piece suit his father had worn decades before!

All three kids enjoy religious school very much. Emily has been a madricha for four years, acting on her sense of purpose and duty. Max helped at the front desk, counting the tzedakah money, amusing the policeman in conversation. And then there’s Lila. She’s smart, she’s stubborn, and she always finds a way to get what she wants. She is the one who most misses being in school in-person. Lila provides the unexpected wisdom that suspends the ordinariness of life, fulfilling her mother’s vision of many years ago. We are two separate households now, but at TBZ, the Steinberg’s have come full circle as one family.

My parents, Arnold and Ruth (Goldwater) Fernandez (in photo) were always involved and very proud of TBZ. I remember my father would proudly and (and for those of you that remember him) loudly tell people he was a 4th generation member. They were married by Rabbi Fink in 1951. My father went to Religious School at TBZ. He was recently mentioned in the Sisterhood Trivia Email section as playing Mr. Chanukah at an assembly with a puppet. He was known as the “religious school disciplinarian” during the 1950-60s for ensuring the students, who attended services right after Religious School on Saturday mornings, were quiet and that they didn’t leave and go to “Your Host” restaurant across the street.

My mother was also a very active member of temple. She served as the Rabbi’s and Religious School secretary, and also worked in the office doing mailings. She also ran the Sisterhood Judaica Shop for around 20 years and created the Chanukah Bazaar with many other co-chairs.

My parents were both multi-term presidents of Brotherhood and Sisterhood. They were both honored by their groups as Man and Woman of the Year. Michael’s great-grandmother Mrs. A.D. (Matilda Laguna) Bruckheimer was on the board of directors for the Sisterhood in the early 1900s.

My grandfather Harry and my father Arnold helped cook the food for the TBZ picnic at the Ball Farm in the 1950s. My Grandfather, Harry Fernandez who owned the restaurant “Dinty Moore” was also a lifelong member. My Great Grandfather Isaac and my Great Uncle David Fernandez (Fenton) were two of the original members of TBZ. There are several of his brothers buried at TBZ cemeteries.

Arnold and Ruth always encouraged us to be active in TBZ and our Jewish community as a whole. My kids and I still strive to follow in their footsteps, and I will continue to encourage my grandchildren to be proud and involved for the generations to come.

I attended Sunday School, and later the Youth Group. We were a cohesive unit and we enjoyed our joint activities with others in LEFTY (the Lake Erie Federation of Temple Youth). A highlight occurred when Dr. Fink called me into his office to tell me that my essay had been selected for the “What Confirmation Means to Me” writing award. I was to deliver that essay on behalf of the TBZ Confirmation Class of 1948.

Richard and I became acquainted at the first meeting of the Mr. and Miss Club, a group formed for single adults. We were the second couple of many who married as a result of membership in that club. Dr. Fink was too ill to perform the ceremony and the young Martin Goldberg, who was to be our rabbi for over forty years, heard our marriage vows on a bright chilly Thanksgiving afternoon in 1958 at 599 Delaware Avenue.

Now, in my eighth decade, Temple Beth Zion continues to play an important part in my life. The feeling of community and of belonging is, indeed, a blessing for which I will always be grateful.